anyone shit their pants recently?

Well now that you mention it.

So I spent last week at Strbke Pleso in the High Tetras. My mrs is Slovak and I embarked on a culinary expedition. Breakfast consisted of a thousand types of cheese, cold meats and amazing sausages. Being high in the mountains we set out in the snow to discover the winter wonderland. Along the way there are small shops as well as bigger restaurants. I purchased Glue Wine, I have become quite addicted you see and I wanted to discover which one was best. Mrs also put me on to some nice local food, some potato based sweet thing, it was amazing. So we continued our walk and we met this lady that we had seen around the place and she gave advice on what walks to do etc. After several hours, a few glue wines, more cheese and meats we reached the Ski part of the area. There I saw it! A GYROS! Im like fuck yeah I love kebabs, now I can have one in Slovakia. I hooked in and washed it down with some more glue wine. At this point my stomach began making funny sounds. I shrugged it off. Im good.

So we slowly make our way back and bump into the old lady again. Mrs and her chat again, during the conversation my stomach frequently interupted their conversation, earning me a frown and a look of concern. I managed to smile but despite the sub zero temperatures I felt like it was 40 degrees and sweat began dripping down my forehead. My stomached rebelled again but I held my sphincter shut and tensed my perky butt cheeks, glad for all those squats I did. So its been about 60 minutes since the gyro, my stomach is gurgling loud enough to interupt conversations and im at the point every gas release is followed with a brief check for leakage. My will power was strong, I shut my sphincter down and clenched my arse cheeks together and continued walking back to the hotel. I was 20 metres from the entrance and I knew I was critical but I had this. I made it inside and made my way to the lobby toilets. I had held my damn sphincter tight for nearly 90 minutes yet as I closed on that toilet it was like my will power left me. I fumbled for the button even has my sphincter failed me. I could feel it slightly quibble, I got the button! I pulled my pants down knowing I wasnt quick enough. My sphincter had failed me for a nano second but it was all it took to fill my undies with a poo the consistancy of whipped cream. The rest came out like a high pressure valve had burst, but thankfully I was firmly on the toilet. I sat there, in a sweat staring at my poo filled undies, slowly realising some had dripped onto my pants. The strong smell of garlic, 50 different cheeses, cold meats and wine filled my nostrils.

So there I was, in a 5 star hotel, poo in my undies, my pants, the toilet covered in all strange places (you know when you look and go how the fuck did it get there?) sweating and trying to think what to do next.

When mrs found out I got no sympathy merely mocking laughter.