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Post by Membrane_on_Vacation on May 4, 2015 16:35:27 GMT
www.shroudoftheavatar.com/forum/index.php?threads/wassup-devs.25529/Item Name: Lum's Glasses Item Effect: These super duper glasses make un-playable games passable. Turn TNMT into Syndicate Plus. Turn Final Fantasy into X-COM. Turn SotA into Ultima. WARNING: No effect on Ultima Online. Marketing: Lum's Glasses: Shit in - Awesome out! Example: Dude: "Dude, what the fawwwwwkkkkk are you playing? Bru: "Bru, its Shroud of the Avatar mannnnnnn" Dude: "Bru, you're in a fucking big round wood tub wearing only a hat!" Bru: "Duuuudeeee, yeah I know, this is the best fucking game ever!" /adjusts Lum's Glasses 
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Post by Sicherdraht on May 4, 2015 17:04:05 GMT
Lum jumped out of the woodwork fast, he didn't even have his Starbucks yet.
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Post by kb on May 4, 2015 21:26:45 GMT
 Item Name: Gorn's Staff of Greater BLOOD from STONE Item Effect: Waving this rare staff over any pile of rocks yields piles and piles of money. Rumored to also work on nostalgic gamers and eccentric members of the 'Cult of LB.' Also known to irritate "trolls" and those who otherwise have sense enough not to stand idly by while being bled dry by the vampiric staff and its unholy bearer. Marketing: Gorn's Staff of Greater Blood from Stone -- 30 years of reliable wealth extraction. Example: Dude: "Bro, that SotA shit you're playing is so p2w!" Bro: "Dude, whatever... now come here and watch me play with my staff." Dude: "Oh damn, not this shit again! Cmon, Bro.... you promised never again!" Bro: "Dude, STFU. Just look at my big, thick staff and now give me my money, bitch!" /activates Gorn's Greater Staff and bitchslaps Dude Dude: "Why you always gotta make me feel so dirty about this, bro?" /hands over money Bro: "Because wealth extractin' ain't easy but it's necessary" |
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Post by kb on May 4, 2015 22:01:40 GMT
 Item Name: Starr's Ornate Orb of OBFUSCATION Item Effect: Reciting the words from positive steam reviews before this orb of power will somehow magically increase sales and also allow the reciter to catch a glimpse of the "game we all want" through the otherwise impenetrable haze of vapour(ware) that surrounds this project.... Marketing: Starr's Ornate Orb of OBFUSCATION -- Mostly, Very, Positive...ly Shady. Example: Fanboy: "I want to believe. This game is definitely on the right track. They're doing almost all the proper things to make a proper Ultima sequel, but it's just not there yet. " /the orb glows faintly and Fanboy captures a brief glimpse of some amazing game that's yet to be created... (Too bad that game he can see is NOT Sota and never will be!!!) |
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Post by kb on May 5, 2015 3:21:05 GMT
 Item Name: Dippy the Dodo Item Effect: This adorable little turtle face will bock bock and love you forever. Just don't feed him any peanuts (he's allergic!). Responds to only one verbal prompt: " fucking combat -- how does it work?" Typical response to this prompt is that pet will piss himself, make excuses about "new baby," and then mutter "something something Unity 5" until bock bocking and loving you long time once again.... Marketing: Because it's bizarro!Example: Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro Bizarro |
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Joviex
Strong in the Force
PERMABANNED
Posts: 123 
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Post by Joviex on May 5, 2015 20:59:48 GMT
These are hilarious, and so much so that I think I am going to add them as arcane items in my next table top session.
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Post by Membrane_on_Vacation on May 6, 2015 0:24:02 GMT
These are hilarious, and so much so that I think I am going to add them as arcane items in my next table top session. You need to youtube that  |
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Post by Membrane_on_Vacation on May 6, 2015 2:50:09 GMT
Item Name: Starr's Ornate Orb of OBFUSCATION Item Effect: Reciting the words from positive steam reviews before this orb of power will somehow magically increase sales and also allow the reciter to catch a glimpse of the "game we all want" through the otherwise impenetrable haze of vapour(ware) that surrounds this project.... Marketing: Starr's Ornate Orb of OBFUSCATION -- Mostly, Very, Positive...ly Shady. Example: Fanboy: "I want to believe. This game is definitely on the right track. They're doing almost all the proper things to make a proper Ultima sequel, but it's just not there yet. " /the orb glows faintly and Fanboy captures a brief glimpse of some amazing game that's yet to be created... (Too bad that game he can see is NOT Sota and never will be!!!) lol, of the three I think this one caught my attention the most  |
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Post by kb on May 6, 2015 14:23:10 GMT
lol, of the three I think this one caught my attention the most P.S. Notice how there's no price tag on that one? You must buy the item before seeing the price, only learning its true price tag after your non-refundable purchase. This quirk is also part of the orb's otherworldly powers to conceal and confuse!!!!!! Bwahahahahaha |
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Post by Membrane_on_Vacation on Jul 24, 2015 6:19:02 GMT
These are hilarious, and so much so that I think I am going to add them as arcane items in my next table top session. Did you do it? Pics, or it didn't happen! |
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